If Only I Had Known...

Once upon a time a young girl fell in love with her best friend. I would like to end this story right here and say that they lived happily ever after but unfortunately that is not the case. You see I am that girl and I had no idea what lie ahead for me or what the family was like that I would soon be marrying into. When I was first simply dating my now husband I thought that his mother liked me. I once planned a camping trip and she bought well over $100 in food for the camping trip for her son and I. So based on this action I assumed she must really like me. I had always dreamed of that perfect mother in law and daughter in law bond. While she was a lot different than me, I figured I could over look our small (or so I thought at the time) differences and become the best of friends. I should probably mention that I was 19 and my husband was 18 when our relationship became serious and we began considering marriage.

 I knew very little of his family background or about his family for that matter but my youth and love blinded me from the facts that were clearly there in front of my face. We were engaged 2 months after that camping trip when I had decided his mother and I would be best friends. For some reason my fiance insisted that we not tell his mother. I am not one for keeping secrets (I went right home and told my parents all about it). However I assumed that it was his Mother and he knew better than I did when would be the appropriate time to tell her. This made me rather nervous but I assumed he would tell her soon. One time when I was over she briefly said something in passing about making sure as a woman that I take care of myself and am being respectful while over. I took this to mean she was insinuating that we be using birth control and not having sex. While yes we were teens, we were both adults and that decision was ours not hers to make and I became even more nervous that my fiance hadn't told his mother about our engagement because he and I had decided that we were ready to start a family/ I had always wanted to be a young mother so that I could be there for my children longer and keep up with them. I urged my fiance to let his mother know soon about our plans to marry since we were also trying to start our family. During this time I learned that my fiance (we'll call him Jack) had been taken away from his parents at 3 years of age and placed into foster care. He also had 6 other siblings who were also all taken away and placed into foster care. Jack wasn't returned until he was 14 years old. To the best of my knowledge none of his other siblings were returned to his mother. I do not know why. This family is full of secrets. Some of his siblings were adopted by family members, but there are two youngest siblings that I am still unaware of their where abouts.

So with time passing and us trying to start our family I became increasingly concerned about Jack not telling his mother of our engagement. Then it happened. Two months later I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant! I was completely thrilled and felt so fulfilled inside. I was engaged to my best friend and finally going to become a mother. I told both of my parents that very day that I found out I was pregnant. Jack of course said we shouldn't tell his mom yet. I agreed to wait until I was 12 weeks pregnant to tell her because I wanted to be sure the baby was safe and growing healthy. So finally a couple months later I convinced Jack to tell his mother after my ultra sound about my pregnancy. I told him to take the ultra sound pictures and show her. She already had 5 other grandchildren and at this point we were both 19 years old so I thought she would be fine with it.

She sometimes makes me feel like a horrible wife and mother however I don't know why. I am sorry but she is a failure as a mother. My husband does not know how to do anything for himself because she has babied him since she got him back. She never taught him how to do anything for himself or taught him how to behave as a decent human being. This has become more and more apparent since the birth of our daughter. He refuses to help with our daughter most of the time and refuses to help around the house. After having our daughter I returned to work part time. When I got home I took care of our daughter the rest of the day, and took care of the house and was allowed no breaks because my husband could not put down his video game controller. I developed post partum depression and resented both my newborn and my husband. He would not even watch the baby so that I could shower. After I left the hospital, I went 2 and a half months before i got to take another shower! His mother never taught him anything about how to simply be a decent human being.

 She also is incredibly stupid when it comes to money. She made more money than I did when I only worked part time and she could never pay all of her bills and I often had to loan her money. She wastes her money on stupid stuff before getting the essentials. This has been passed on to my husband as well. He will buy a video game before paying the rent. (He plays video games an average of 6-12 hours per day) Sometimes his mom tries to help out by buying us stuff (which I hate because when we moved out she said we would never make it and that we would just need her-and I hate when she buys anything because now I have this fierce need to show that I can take care of my family) but the stuff she buys is complete crap. When she buys stuff for our daughter 9 out of 10 times it is toys and stuffed animals instead of clothing or diapers or formula. When she says she is dropping food off here, it is always crap! Diabetes runs heavily in both of our families and yet for example last time she bought us food it was 2 cases of soda, 2 family size bags of chips, a case of twinkies, a case of devils food cake, 2 cases of cracker jax, and a bag of candy! that was the "food" she dropped off. I do not allow my daughter to eat any of that and I try really hard not to eat that sort of stuff. When I told my husband how angry this made me and that he was the only person in the house who could eat that kind of food he simply got mad at me and said "So what, that's not my problem." sigh....This woman has seriously damaged my husband and I am only just now finding out how toxic she has been and still is too him. If only I had know all of this I certainly would have made different decisions. In order to divorce her I feel I will have to divorce him ...